Upset but Im sure ill get over it

If there was ever a time in my life where I wanted to end my life it would probably be now. I don't understand what the point is in life anymore. Between liars and fakes who the fuck can you trust? Shits been very upsetting as of late and I have no idea when everyone became crazy...again. I thought things were going relatively well and yet...here I am probably on the brink of getting fired...once again by some blue collared bitch who hates me for no good reason. Its amazing to me how hard I bust my ass at everything I do and still get shit on. Jonnie at work said I must have been born with a target on my back. Someday I truly believe there will be a breaking point but I don't know when. Maybe it'll be when I get fired for Pop corn on the floor or when someone hurts me personally again. All I know is that my heart is hurting and I'm scared of whats next on my agenda.

So Josh and Paulie split. ::makes face:: Its probably for the best however he does seemed a little more bummed then usual. We talked about it a lot yesterday and surprisingly he took my advice which...no one does. I told him that yes she messed up and yes it obviously hurts but Brooke/Kayla/Breayne all of them also cheated on him and cancer or not...Paulie deserves forgiveness just as much as the rest of them. The fact that Josh has cancer doesn't change anything...not one thing. Yes he is sick but his cancer does not define him as a person. The type of person that would cheat on someone with cancer is the same as someone who would cheat on someone without it. Cancer is a sickness it doesn't have feelings or...emotions. Josh is the person hurt by all of this and by all of them. She is the same as everyone else including myself. I told him all of that too. Paulie deserved to have her asshole ripped open by Josh. I ripped her open and so did Mike. I am glad Josh is taking the high road with all of this. I know Paulie appreciates his understanding loving nature. We also talked about how we all knew she cared for him it was clearly just a...fucked up time. She's a good person who made a fucked up decision. I made them...a lot of them. Still probably am going to in the future. Hopefully they won't be as...damaging next time but regardless mistakes will be made and I am sure Someone will get hurt and I hope that someone will forgive me. right now though there are bigger fish to fry.

I don't know what my further holds...im not ok with it. In fact I'm scared to death but...what is going to happen will and until then I am going to try and get through my days to come.