Cliche things here and there

There’s a lot to say about what has been going on recently.

1. Mike and I have decided to take a break. We are officially not together currently. Its weird and its hard and heartbreaking and all those cliché things you can say about a long term relationship ending.

2. We are ok. At least I think we both are handling it fairly well for the moment. It’s hard. I love him so much that it’s tearing me up sometimes. I just can’t lie and say this is working when I feel like its not and its killing me. Being honest about it all sucks and I hate it. I hate thinking that this could be it. That…he won’t be in my life and I am scared. I have learned so much for him and he’s been like a surrogate father/brother/family to me and I can’t live knowing that he won’t be there in some form to help me. That is probably the most selfish thing I have ever said in my life and I feel terrible about it. I just can’t help how I feel right now. There are so many emotions and feelings that sometimes I feel I may explode from all of this.

3. What do I want? Well I am not sure. I feel like this entire relationship has been one giant struggle. Me wanting him to want me, Him trying to fix things, me trying to fix things, fixing things with my family and his. I just want things to be better and to be happy because right now I feel anything but.

I don’t know what is going to happen in the future. I am not a mind reader or a fortune teller or some kind of physic. I do know that I love Mike. He’s literally been my best friend for over 7 years and I care about him more then I can even put into words. All I know is that I am doing what I think and feel is right for this moment. If in the future we continue down the road together I think we'll be stronger for this. Things have got to start some where. Something has got to give, right? I just don't know anything anymore.