I went to see my therapist for the first time in like a month yesterday. I had so much to say it was hard to not just burst from everything. It always sucks when your therapist agrees with you on how crappy situations are. I wish he was more…I don’t know uplifting. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of times he is and gives me a lot of good advice or just good insight. It just seems there isn’t a very good answer for anything. It is mostly how you feel. I started talking about Mike and his silly habits and how sometimes it just seems he’s more like a woman then I am. He laughed and said that it doesn’t seem like I am resentful but there is more of a fondness toward him and his quarks. At that point all I could is laugh because I am fond of his silliness. I like that he can do math at the store and figure out the best deal in five seconds. I like that he is OCD it makes for fun games sometimes. Obviously it is annoying to be around someone who seemingly strolls through life and I always seem to struggle but I adore Mike.

We also talked about Mike’s therapist a little bit. Things that Mike has told me here and there that she has said. My therapist asked me how I felt about that. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal but he never really asks me that questions so it kind of caught me off guard. Usually he asks me what it is that I am thinking instead. Honestly I don’t know. I don’t know if I am good for Mike. We are two completely different people in more then one way. So for me to say “Oh yeah we are so good for each other” would be a kind of a lie because honestly I have no idea what would make a person good for the other. I don’t think I make Mike a better person, I don’t push him to be better in any sense, and I have hurt him more then once. I think his therapist is good in asking that question. It’s a very thought provoking.

At the end of our session he told me he appreciates how honest I have been the whole time we’ve been seeing each other. That I shouldn’t be so hard on myself sometimes and that he knows that in the end it will all work out in one way or another. It’s just hard to see it right now. ::shrugs:: I am just wounded. I think I have been for a while and not just with Mike, with my so called friends, family, and work. Happiness just seems so out of reach and out of touch. I know this all sounds so mellow dramatic it’s just how I have been seeing things lately. Maybe I need more sleep because work and school have been handing my ass to me on a silver plate daily. These early mornings and late nights have me seeing red.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be a quarter of a century old...crazy how that works. Its nuts to think that In another 25 years ill be 50 and in 5 ill be 30. How insane is that? I believe we are going to go to ferndale to a comedy club that I used to go to all the time when I was 18. It was great and a lot of fun. I read a lot of good reviews online and from a few people I know who have went. Then back to our place for cake/ice cream. Honestly I just want to have a good day and that is all. ::crosses fingers:: I am pumped however to see my sisters gift. She said she spent a lot of money on me. Which made me mad and happy all at the same time. She told me she just couldn't help it that every time she'd going to put it back she thought "Katie deserves this" and would just continue on. lol. I love her. Rachel has also been texting me a lot. She made me cry the other day. She told me that I am amazing. That anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy. That I am more of a mother to her and liz then our mom has ever been and can't wait to grow old with liz and I. That everything was going to be ok and Ill be happy in the end of it all. I was crying so hard I went to the bathroom. Rachel is just so smart and so beautiful and so...the greatest lil sister anyone could have. I adore my sisters. I don't know if there is another person alive with a relationship like we all have. <3