Come and open up your folding chair

Lately things have taken a turn for the weird. By weird I mean things I am not prepared to deal with. (Paulette if you ever read this I am not trying to offend you just trying to...get it off my chest.)

Brooke n I haven't talked in over a week. I am going to assume we aren't talking. Mike let me read the emails they had...::makes face:: whatever. The point is that Paulette and Josh are talking...and by talking I mean...cuddling and hanging out late at night and its weirding me out. This whole fucked up situation is freaking me out. I want Josh to be happy. In fact I want all of them to be happy. I just don't want to feel weird about this shit.

The reason why I feel weird is because regardless of how Brooke feels, I still feel loyalty to her. Josh can talk shit about her and Ill feel weird. He can talk to Kayla and Ill feel weird. Now he will hangout with Paulette and be...weird. No matter what Ima feel weird about all of this because i still love and care for Brooke. I want her to be with Josh still if that makes sense and if she's not going to be then for him to find someone outside of our situation to make it with because this is all making me feel guilty.

Obviously this all selfishness talking because really this is none of my decision. Brooke chose this path and now Josh is choosing this one...I just wish that I could feel ok about it all. I just feel uneasy. Like everyone around me has lost their mother fucking minds and are making retarded decisions that will eventually blow up in their faces. NOT to mentions that maybe this whole Josh and Paulette thing is out of spite. I mean that could happen, right?

Nothing is making sense to me at this current moment. Everything is feeling...wrong and uncomfortable. I have a lot of shit going on with school, work, mikes aunt. Really I just don't want to give a fuck and let all the pieces fall where they may. Some how I am still involved in this shit. Paulette texts me every day about this Josh shit. Really I just want to be like Paulie I just don't want to be involved because Brookes my friend and thats HER ex and....whatever. However how can I say that when Brooke has made it clear how she feels and has left this friendship for the second time. I guess I just want to have never been involved.

FUCK all of this. I just want to feel alright again.