Cancer worries into careless days

As much as I try to not let it affect me and keep a stone serious face about it all, I can't. Josh is one of my best friends and every time I hear him joke about his cancer I cringe a little. Of course I laugh and glow as him and Paulie share an obvious "i want you hard" Stare. Deep down though the scary creeps back up and gives me a quick poke in the stomach. I want him to be happy and since he broke up with Brooke and found out he has cancer he's been different. A new kind of josh. He's constantly having, dare I say it, Fun?

Its weird in a way. Not so much him and Paulie but just how it has all has come together. I am done worrying about Brooke and whatever that is. I am done really caring about anything that has nothing to do with me personally. I just don't care to be pursuing anything that isn't going to better my life. My relationships are not going to be shallow and they will all be meaningful. You want to cause drama...get the fuck out. You want to talk shit about that person, Im gonna leave the room. You want to do what when and where, don't care until it comes to that point. I let go of my anger and bitterness a long time ago and ill be damned if one little girl is going to throw me off that path.

I am pumped to see Bane at Fucking awesome fest in about a week and a half

UP in three weeks

Dan and Tiffany will be here soon and Im going to cry tears of joy and thankfulness at them for being the one constant stable friends we've ever had. That is another weird thing. Its amazing to have people who you can say they're your best friends and no matter how much time goes by you see can them and its like no time has gone by. I miss them. I actually called Dan a few weeks ago and talk to him about everything. All he could do is laugh and say that he's sad he's missing all the fun. ::smirk:: He would say that.

I am happy. For some weird reason things aren't as bad as I felt they would be. I was hurt by all of this at first but...after sometime the last time this happened it didn't even matter. I got over it and met new friends. SPEAKING of which Jammers and Kristin will be hanging out when we get home sometime next week. They went to eat with Paulie the other day and she talked to them about it. Hopefully I can get a bike from that good sir.

Vacations are much needed.

BEAT THIS CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!