Lucky?

Whoever said that Money can't buy a little bit of happiness didn't win a thousand dollars at their work christmas party. At my dealership if you refer someone to buy a car there you get fifty dollars and your name goes into a pot. You can have as many names as you can get inside this pot. I only had one card with my name on it. I was standing next to jonnie and wasn't paying attention cause when do I ever win anything. Suddenly he starts nudging me and saying I won. I turned beat read and started to tear up and went and hugged Mr. and Ms. Holzer. Everyone kept coming up to me and saying how happy they were for me and I was kind of embarrassed. ITs just a weird thing winning. You're excited and happy and nervous and kind of in shock the whole time. My friend won the other big prize of the night which was a 37 inch flat screen tv. They give out a lot of really great prizes there. I got the Thousand dollars, a hundred dollar gift card to target, a 25 dollar best buy car and my 50 dollar bonus for the year.

I made out like a kid in a candy store. :):):):) Glowing all night. <3

Christmas Tree

I take great satisfaction in knowing you were a second choice. I mean it really keeps a smile on m face and helps me to know you didn't actually win it was a forfeit. A sad sad forfeit.

Yesterday Josh came over and we went out to eat with Mrs. Forbush. It was pleasant evening. I am exhausted from all the studying. Its killing me. I seriously have been saying the most random things to my uncle when we are tutoring. He will just look at me and laugh because he knows how tired I am and feels a little bad. I took Paulie with me yesterday we had a lot of girl talk and that was nice. She studied her philosophy and I continued my math bull. We plan to have another girl date to watch Love Actually. One of the greatest Love movies EVER! <3 she's never seen it so I gots to school her.

Work was great today. I got a lot of good new including a possible raise and a different job within the dealership which I AM SO PUMPED FOR! Awkward city here I come. Also I think I have a giant girl crush on the enterprise lady. She is the most adorable black woman ever.

We put up our 5 ft christmas tree. I actually think its a 4 footer because the tree is smaller then me and I am just a little over 5 ft. Ill post a picture of it. I got to put my Harly Quinn ornament up my mom got me last year. Mrs. Forbush asked me for a list of christmas stuff and I gave it to her. I AM PUMPED TO GET SOME OF THE THINGS!!!!!

Studying

SO yesterday I went over to my uncles house to do some rugby. I shouldn't have gone I was have retarded from sleep depravation and on multiple occasions kept just saying things out loud that made NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER. ::smacks self in forehead:: I don't know whats wrong with me lately. I just know that I needed to see him and hangout with him last night. I got some REALLY amazing Christmas music from him and I laughed really hard with him about somethings. I haven't really had a good genuine laugh in a while. Then I came home slap happy and Mike made me spit coolaid out EVERYWHERE. It was a good night.

Work has been good too. Nothing to complain about. Maybe that Joyce is single handedly taking over Tom Holzer Ford? Maybe that I am not Joyces personal bitch? Im sorry do I have "Everyones personal Bitch" tattooed across my forehead? For some reason I feel like I may.

Here is one of the songs My Uncle showed me that really put me in the Christmas spirit.

Building better bridges-for the next ones who come along

Our heart burns broken at the ends, they fail us, keep building
my lungs are wax inside my ribs, you’re burning, well I’m breathing
this back breaks walked on from carrying friends, can’t stop now, still working
your life’s like rain drops on my tongue, I believe you, keep raining
and it’s alright, it’s alright, we are not right now complete
and I’m alright, you’re gonna be alright, we might never be complete
but the water keeps rising, it’s rising, everybody get into the water
and hold each others hands and lives, let’s all push our hearts together....
we’re gonna leave these shores right now, be everything we’ve never been
but you gotta swear to promise that we’ll never go back again, ever again
and we’re not just islands lying beside each others shorelines
we’re all bound with veins and hopes, we are not each others ghosts
our hearts are abridged, let's build bridges to each other
so this river won’t take us under
filled with monsters and goblins, they keep dragging the bottom
our life is a bridge, let’s build bridges to each other
and pray we don’t go under, oh these careless waters

I’m trying not to confuse: being used, with giving all I am
by: being used, and giving everything I have, all I am
so I’ll build a bridge with hollow bones filled with hollow teeth
inside a hollow heart, with the insides carved
and let the blood in these veins freeze
let the water in these veins freeze and break and flood the dam
we are all we have, this is all we need, hold on it may never end
and I might have to drink my teeth again if I wash up on the coast
so I’ll build a bridge with all that’s left, & not make any more new ghosts
show me your life, wide and bright, I hope that patience fills the seams
keep what’s inside, dry and right, you arch the frame I’ll span the beams
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
cause one day we’re gonna close our eyes for death or rest
and abandon ourself, this weak mind and breath
and the columns we made, and roots we grew down deep
will be pulled and gathered in to firewood, and burnt for heat
but when the tension shifts, and these braces turn
I’ll try and build a better bridge
and when all our piers burn, and the hinges miss
I’m gonna build a better bridge
our hearts are abridged, let’s build bridges to each other
so we don’t take ourselves under

Our heart burns broken at the ends, they fail us, keep building
my lungs are wax inside my ribs, you’re burning, I’m still breathing
this back breaks walked on carry friends, can’t stop now, still working
your life’s like rain drops on my tongue, I believe you, keep raining
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
our hearts are abridged, let’s build bridges to each other
so this river won’t take us under, so we don’t take ourselves under
our lives are a bridge, let’s build bridges to each other
and pray we don’t go under, oh these careless waters
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
our lives are a bridge for us to give, I want to build a better bridge
from every wrong we’ve done to each other, if I forgive will you forgive?
our hearts are abridged, let’s build bridges to each other
so this river won’t take us under, so we don’t take ourselves under

Finally

I finally deleted those emails. I can't stand to think of where we were and when you lost your mind again. I feel kinda good about it. Took almost another year but its happening slowly and really the only reason you come to mind is really either out of habit or because of a friend. I think I am ok knowing I'll never let you in again. Reality is I'm hardened to thought of you as a person and the position you have taken in the backlight of my life.

Potluck today at work. Pumped for some of the amazing food that is up there.

Work has been oddly good. I'm a little nervous as to why it is. School semester is finally almost over. I am dreading math final. I've decided that of I fail again I'm going to take it OEOE and finish it in a week and not worry about it again. Blizzin math is killing me! I am almost to my degree there I can taste Madonna in the air. I am so close to finally moving towards what I want and honestly it feels so good.

Victims

I am not happy. However I am thankful for realizing early on in life that well it moves on. Time doesn't stop for you and you, yourself control everything that goes on in your life, good and bad. I am dealing with this bullshit school and this bullshit work but I'm still moving towards a goal. I am glad I finally got some good feed back at work. Disappointed at the outcome but I am glad that it was said to me non the less.
I went out with my sister to the casino this weekend and I am planning on a girls weekend to Mt. Pleasant for some gambling and pool party. Not sure when but its gonna happen. Its to bad my sister and I have no body we would want other then ourselves to go. ;) WAY better weekend just being the two of us. We had a blast downtown. I think it was just nice to do something out of the ordinary with someone I don't get to see often. She started FREAKING out when she won money. It was adorable and embarrassing all at the same time.
Mike and josh have been watching the Matrix movies since before I got home at 9. O.o They are CRAZY. Josh has been doing GREAT. I am so proud of him. I love him. He's fighting and winning and really thats all that matters.
I got the post secret app and really its the WORST MONEY IVE EVER SPENT and the best because I spend all my time on it.
Ive been chatting a lot via Facebook with everyone. (emily helenburg, Liz stutts, Sean long, etc) When sean gets back we are planning on a Karaoke night and margaritas. PUMPED.
This semester couldn't end sooner. seriously. I need sleep sooooooo badly.

I've learned.

you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.

no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

the people you care most about in life are taken from you to soon.

although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.

love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.

there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a
friendly pat on the back.

I still have a lot to learn......