My night went as follows.

1. Hung out and made dinner with some pretty cool cats.
2. Watched a movie called Hobo with a shotgun. I wouldn't recommend it. It was really dumb.
3. Paulette came over and we watched true blood because my boyfriend is awesome at what he does.
4. Went to bed...
5. Phone call at 130am from a hysterical Paulette.
6. Got up and went to find her.
7. Found her and we walked around the block twice to try and calm her down.
8. Sat with her car.
9. Watched her Ex and Brooke go to bed together in the apt that was hers less then a week ago.....
10. Watched as Paulette fell to pieces once again.
11. Came home, cried for her and discussed everything I saw with Mike and he just sat quietly and we tried to go back to sleep.

When did my life take a sharp turn for the crazy? All I could feel last night was numb to everything. I was quiet as I listen to the very hysterical break of paulette mumbling. I also don't understand why it took seeing them together for her to break about it because she already knew. The only thing I can think of is being lied too. She sat there on the pavement and told me about...20 lies he had told her last week and we she went up there and caused a scene and asked him...all he could say was I thought thats what you wanted to hear. I don't think people really understand why lying causes people to break like that. Its like going completely crazy. Thinking you know the truth only to have the truth ripped out from under you...I can't even describe how it feels. She told me the things he said to her as in, "You're going to be fine all those guys think your cute (cursing Brooke for even telling him that), Its good you don't really feel like you know me anymore that'll make you get over all of this quicker." I don't know about you but that just makes me feel like he's just trying to justify his wrong doings. I mean do you really think that those are reason for a person to just automatically be able to forget about it all and get over it....I mean now her head is going to be racing constantly wondering if everything has been a lie. Dan told her about him calling her fat a lot last year which makes no sense considering he always talked about how he liked his girls meaty. About him flip flopping on wanting to marry her all the time. She called me out on it too asking why the fuck I didn't say anything...All I could think to say was it was none of my business and I didn't want to come into it all. When all of this happened I was kind of in my own thoughts thinking...God Im sorry Missi for ever being like this. She told me at one point in time when this had happened to me that she was scared for my life. She stayed with me till I stopped crying and would eventually drift off to sleep. I wasn't scared for Paulie's life I was just...upset with her. I could literally feel what she felt. I don't know if that is because I was there about a year ago or because I am just an emotional person. (Probably both if you really wanted to know) I didn't even know what to say as we watched all the lights go out at her old apt and them go to bed. All I could do was say I was sorry and that...this wasn't her fault.

O.o I seriously can't wait for my Shrink apt on Wednesday because at this point my head feels like it may explode from all of this. I just want to forget people exist and go about my day like I did a year ago when I cut ties with EVERYONE. It was...peaceful and refreshing to not have to deal with everyones problems and drama. I know that sounds selfish and maybe its just this situation that I don't like because it just reminds me of how I felt a year ago. The lies, the feeling of being stabbed in the back, they are all so fresh as if they happened yesterday. At one time Paulie was like, "I hate being this angry, it almost fills up every part of me and I don't like it." All I could think was Welcome to my world.

le sigh