Goodnight-seahaven

Goodnight my Love, my lovely Love. Goddamn shame to be a traitor.
I’ve got God in a shoebox under my bed waiting for my finger.
We both look better in the dark so I’ll do it while were sleeping,
that way I will not reflect my father’s defining feature.
The absence of consciousness, welcomes the presence of formulated manipulation.
I won’t feel a thing if you don’t.
Feel what I feel and you’ll find faith to believe in God.
God I need you, because I am familiar with the Devil.
I’ve been waiting for the sun to come and dry up all this rain,
but I’m caught out in the storm.
It’s three a.m. and I’ve got you good. I’ve got you right where I want you.
It must be easy to hold your tongue now with help from a forty-five.
“Next Exit: One Mile” it read, but you’re moving a mile a minute.
That gives you around sixty seconds before you reach your destination.
Where will you go?
I won’t feel a thing if you don’t.
Your safety came with distance but you foolishly fell into consistency.
Place your hand where it does not belong and I’ll be a reminder of your size.
Your steady way mirrors the end, the vibrance that fill the pillow behind the head.
The one you chose to live within, the one that said, that one that says.
Black quite quickly.
White next swiftly.
Oh so sorry.
Buenas Noches.

This was beautiful

We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

Water

I fell
I fell in
I fell in and i swam
i swam harder then I thought I ever could
when I reached the shore i stood and ran
and when i ran i felt free
and i could see
and hear like i never thought i could
is this what it feels like to be happy?
freedom?
selfless?
weightless?
shell-less?
this heart is broken and it needs to be repaired
by who? I don't know
im scared

Eating lunch by myself

I am right now eating a delicious turkey salad and enjoying being out of work. I had a job interview last week for a Job I honestly would have loved. (not to mention a pretty hefty pay raise) I am going to assume I didn't get it and move on. It's possible there is something better coming my way.

Mike and I have been good.

My sister, brother-in-law and niece were all in town this last week. God she is getting so big and I actually kind of wish Megan and I could have more time together. I spent so long being mad at them and I wish I didn't because I actually really like them. Even Jason's wife, my sister-in-law, is really cool. Liz and I are talking about going in march to Seattle and then down to see Megan and spend some time with her. She also invited us to her birthday which she plans on having in vegas. Probably not but I told her id entertain the idea.

Anyway we had a surprise party for my step mother. Honestly I had fun. Mike and I played games with my dad. Sean got drunk with Aaron. Food was... Eh but it wasn't about that it was more about the time spent. It was pleasant.

Ok well my food is here finally so I am going to chowwwwww down. P.s. I am updating from my iPhone. Finally up to date ;)